Wednesday, January 31, 2007

Headline: Aqua Teen Hunger Force Held In Guantanamo

Actually, the headline was "Man arrested in Boston marketing ploy", but after reading the article I think they missed the real story.
"Several illuminated electronic devices planted at bridges and other spots in Boston threw a scare into the city Wednesday in what turned out to be a publicity campaign for a late-night cable cartoon. Most if not all of the devices depict a character giving the finger."
Specifically, these were little LED pictures of Aqua Teen Hunger Force characters - the picture to the left illustrates Master Shake (or perhaps a mooninite) saying "I'm number one" or something to that effect.

A little known fact is that Aqua Teen Hunger Force is a front group for Islamic Jihad. (Not to be confused with Venture Brothers, the front group for Al Queda). Keen law enforcement personnel knew this critical bit of intelligence, and as a result rapidly recognized the cartoons for the Weapons of Mass Destruction they really were.
"[Turner] said the devices have been in place for two to three weeks in 10 cities: Boston; New York; Los Angeles; Chicago; Atlanta; Seattle; Portland, Ore.; Austin, Texas; San Francisco; and Philadelphia."
Of course, everyone knows these cities are all bastions of Liberals Who Hate America, so the lack of aggressive response in these cities is understandable. (Besides - in Austin we were too busy panicking over the dead birds to notice the cartoon nuclear devices).
"Peter Berdovsky, 29, of Arlington, was arrested on one felony charge of placing a hoax device...Authorities are investigating whether Turner [Broadcasting, producer of Aqua Teen Hunger Force] and any other companies should be criminally charged"
Apparently Boston has learned from the Dutch Cartoon Incident, where illustrations of Muhammed provoked a similar response of outrage among Muslim groups who knew how insidious cartoon images can be.

I think some "extraordinary rendition" is in order here. Perhaps a little water boarding will teach Mr. Berdovsky that Boston will not tolerate anything remotely associated with cartoon terrorist front operations. (Rumor has it that a secret warrant for John Stewart has been issued as a preemptive action against any reprisals.)

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