Monday, January 15, 2007

Recycling

Ok, I know I haven't blogged in quite a while. Lately it seems I'm either working hard or partying hard. Since these are a couple of my favorite things to do, I'm not complaining. But it does mean that I don't get much time to do other things I enjoy, like writing.

Since I haven't come up with any bonny mots to share myself, I thought I'd share a couple that I just read and found amusing.

These are from Mortimer Zuckerman's end of year editorial in US News. The quotes are genuine (ie, his).

"Politics are so corrupt even the dishonest people get screwed."

"A Democrat sees the glass of water half full; a Republican looks at the same glass and wonders who the hell drank his water."

'...a recent police study found that "you are much more likely to get shot by a fat cop if you run."'

'A minister's view of evolution: "I don't understand evolution. If we came from monkeys, why are there still monkeys? Why couldn't they make it over the hump?"'

Also, some end of year words to live by from my humor writing role model, Dave Barry. (In fact, I'm going to take 3, 4, 5, 6, 8, 10, 13 and 14 and make the the 8 commandments of the new religion I'm starting. Move over, L. Ron Hubbard!)

Fourteen Things That It Took Me Over 50 Years To Learnby Dave Barry

1. Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.
2. If you had to identify, in one word, the reason why the human race has not achieved, and never will achieve, its full potential, that word would be "meetings."
3. There is a very fine line between "hobby" and "mental illness."
4. People who want to share their religious views with you almost never want you to share yours with them.
5. You should not confuse your career with your life.
6. Nobody cares if you can't dance well. Just get up and dance.
7. Never lick a steak knife.
8. The most destructive force in the universe is gossip.
9. You will never find anybody who can give you a clear and compelling reason why we observe daylight savings time.
10. You should never say anything to a woman that even remotely suggests that you think she's pregnant unless you can see an actual baby emerging from her at that moment.
11. There comes a time when you should stop expecting other people to make a big deal about your birthday. That time is age eleven.
12. The one thing that unites all human beings, regardless of age, gender, religion, economic status or ethnic background, is that, deep down inside, we ALL believe that we are above-average drivers. In truth, only I am.
13. A person who is nice to you, but rude to the waiter, is not a nice person. (This is very important. Pay attention. It never fails.)
14. Your friends love you anyway.

Party on, dudes.

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