Friday, May 13, 2005

Drinking, Dames, and Doritos

Drinking and Dames. Does it get any better? It's a scientific fact that these are two great tastes that taste great together.

Alcohol has been with man as long as man has been man (and probably even earlier). And the reason seems clear (in my current alcohol induced illusion of clarity, many things seem clear).

The reason: Women.

Alcohol promotes proliferation. Animals susceptible to alcohol's inhibition supressing effects propogate more. (translation: Drunk people have more sex). Therefore, each generation tends to have more of its members susceptible to this not unpleasant side effect of ethanol.

More evidence of the Divine Role of Alcohol in The Meaning Of Life:

Generally, women will feel the effects, or get drunker than men of the same size even when they drink the same amount. Men can drink more before becoming intoxicated because of a stomach enzyme that is more prevalent in men than in women. As a result, women are less able to digest or breakdown the alcohol before it enters the bloodstream. Therefore, women must be careful not to drink themselves to a disadvantage. (source)
Alcohol depresses the central nervous system, lowers inhibitions, and impairs judgment. Drinking can lead to risky behaviors, including unwanted sexual advances, having unprotected sex, or playing around with a gun. (source)

Except for the gun part, I see very little here that's a bad thing. Throw Doritos into the mix and you have A Very Good Thing.

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